There is still a glimmer of light, even in my world of darkness'

Sunday, October 18, 2009

simple thoughts and practice in life...

It was truly fruitful to be at Autism Partnership... I learned much, dealing with kids... Imagine that I can handle any kids in future!! haha.. Not going to be a 'nanny', but glad that I am able to obtain some skills, specialising in something, and train some endurance and patience... I am relieved that I didn't give up... Weeks in and out, I am like a baby, who is scared of stepping into the water, and part of myself, playing dad, encouraging myself that it's good and harmless to play with the kids. I finally managed to overcome my fear and regain confidence and am more natural now. How glad I can be!

Just came back from a feast from Oktoberfest... Ate too much, and of course, Jachin's daughter was there. Elizabeth is soooo cute... How I wished that I will be able to have a daughter like her in future... And I cannot help but to apply some of what I had learned on her! Hmm... no harm and she responsed very well too...

I know that God had placed me there for a reason and it has definitely been so fruitful so far so long... I hope I don't give up, till God gives up on me in this and get me to move on... I thank God that I have great brothers and sisters to help me out too, for hardships or even for fun.

I simply hope that I will just keep running the race along side them. When difficulties keep coming, I will just continue to face them instead of just running away. I am glad and thankful for what I am having now. For friends, for commitments, for my life...

Sunday, September 27, 2009

great musings...

Oh I just can't wait to see the end of year 2009! Ever since the end of last year, still remembering the night at Robin's house, giving thanks to God for 2008, and expectations for 2009, I couldn't help but to be mentally prepared for 2009. Things will, or might be drastically changed, intervened and unexpecting.

I am so glad that the church is moving back to Novena now... After year plus of struggle with the issue of politics, I came to terms that I am definitely called to stay in church, and that I am so glad that I stayed... Great friends left and I struggled with the new term and I couldn't really trust anyone. I am greatful to those who spoke and helped me to understand, that I still have to eventually turn to God in all big and minor issues... I certainly still miss the Revival Generation Days, but someday, all of us have to grow up and see issues in life, issues that God has placed in our midst... I am now looking forward to beautiful days back in Novena, able to worship God in that cool sanctuary, trying to bring more people to Him. Kinda miss those days when all of us were so fervent for God... I am glad that I brought Rachel Poh(Jingying) and Xinni to church.

Haven't met Xinni for almost 7 years, and one day as Pastor was talking about rebuilding the church, her face just came flashing in my mind. I thank God that I managed to bring her down to Revival Centre Church, and get updated with about her life. Now though she is back in the States to finish her final year in University, I can keep in faith that she will come back, rejoicing in church, with the acceptance from her parents, for her bring a christian. Secondly, I have to thank God that I didn't give up bringing Rachel Poh back to Christ. As I looked back now, I do

not understand how I had the will power to bring her back to Him. All glory is to God. I am glad that she is trying and learning to cope with things in church, habits that she needs to change, to honour Him... Looking back the past 7 years in church, I always fail to bring friends to commit in church, despite being fervent for Him. I knew that I was very anxious in wanting souls saved, but I guess, I have really learned to just surrender to Him in terms of evangelising... Just can't wait to be back in church for Christmas.

Next on, I gotta back my results. I hadn't done well. To be honest, think the results suck. I only managed to graduate with 3rd Class Honours. When I eventually gotta my results, I just froze for a while when I looked at the softcopy slip. I was so confident that I will get at least a second Lower Class Honours. I told myself that I just gonna trust God that this year, as I had learned to play hard and work hard, especially with the help of the malaysian girls in school... I knew when to enjoy myself, when to put in effort, what to study the right things. I never felt so good study in school till late every night in school... Somehow, I still don't really understand when non-christians can do so well in their studies with little effort, what makes it so difficult that for me that I just couldn't reach my targets when I strived for that like 6 months before exams... The good and comforting news is that, I was already in my first day of training as an autistic program behaviour therapist when I received my results...

Looking back, I really still have to count my blessings one by one... About 4 days after my last paper, I boarded the plane to go to Cambodia and Laos for mission trip... By the way, that's my first mission trip!!! After coming back, I gotta a job offer to work at the Science Centre Singapore temporary, and they allowed me to look and go for interviews for my permanent job. I spent two months there, and before I left the temp job, I found my permanent job at Autism Partnership

Singapore, with the help from Joanne... Dealing with autistic kids! How does that sound like? It was a bit intimidating at first, but was also quite fun and interesting too... Imagine I can train my own kids like that too... In the programme, I gotta to know few new friends. Though one had left, the remaining of us made vows to help everyone of us to get through the training phase. Now the training phase will end in a few days... There were times when we just embarrassed ourselves, got demoralised by both comments, performance from self and friends, I thank God that I came to terms that all these are learning process and that only then we can learn from it... Certainly making a few good friends in the process, and looking forward to wind down after work with them hopefully...

Again, I am really blessed, that I am always occupied doing something meaningful, earning money, compared with my other friends who are still trying to look for jobs.

Besides that, I am so glad that I met up with people from Christian Fellowship, one group when I was in Uni yr 1. We met up at Evelyn's place and reminisced. Nice catching up with one another and finding out each other's plan of the near future. And to most of our dismay, Winston, is still very crappy and lame. Ha..

And it was certainly nice to go back to school for Christian Fellowship. Went back over the weekend for some evangelistic workshop. Still rather glad that SIM has moved in on reaching out, this time with the other campuses! Simply awesome. Ha.. Ever since Kevin took over as the chair, he seemed to be doing everything right. Very nice to meet Stephen, Dennis, May Lan and so many so many more! Enjoyed talking to Rachel Chow, one of the malaysian girls, and of

course, I miss Penny and Vennee too... It was nice to study with them during the exam period, when Rachel (C) will just teach me to pronounce malay words properly... If she ever read this, she might just be shaking her head non-stop... I kinda missed those days when the few of us would just sit around and discuss school work and christianity in school... Those days are gone, and Pen and Ven are back in Malaysia now... Well, hope the girls will come back soon and maybe crap together with Kevin...

This year was great, fearsomely great. There are still the remaining 3 months and Christmas will come soon... I just cannot wait for Christmas shopping and just spend good times listening to jazz music at home on rainy days, and spending quality time to some good friends... Oh simply great to just add some beach Los Lobo 's La Bamba as music in the background...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

so beautiful...

Ever since this song is released in 2005, I fell deeply in love with this song, together with Alabaster Jar. The words mean so much to me, and so is the introduction into the song. There are times when we proclaim that God is so good, beautiful and just simply awesome.

There are times when we simply see that God is truly so real when He is working in our lives, because He had done the impossible, the issues that humans can never imagine accomplishing... We proclaim and bow down to Him.

However, there are times when we are drawn back by circumstances and conditions when we believed that He has forsaken us. I know that, and I did fall away too, not doing my Quiet Time, not praying to God. God is truly upset by that. Just imagine not wanting to someone who loves and desires to talk to you, you break His heart deeply... So what if one person kept being so holy and committed to Him, when the person lagged in His walk with God. He will fall back, away from God...

For me, I make sure I still pray, and read His words, because His words is always powerful, like a double-edged sword... Let His words dwell in us forever...

Even after these few weeks, I guess I matured more. I am still trying to seek God for His miraculous ways of saving His children... But just looking at how He helps us learn, and how people change for Him, it's just simply exciting. God is indeed beautiful, but let's not forget that in bad times. Because God is always there to love and care...

Let the words to Him be geninuely from our hearts... That He is beautiful indeed.

Job 38 - 42

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

learning to dwell in God's presence...

I always believe that as long as I feel something from God, that's eventually what He wants me to do. Sometimes, to the extent, I felt that my sensitivity (or antenna) went haywire... From time to time, when I believe that I heard Him telling, but turns out to be the other way... Whether it was past relationship affirmation, studies, or even future career affirmation. Think the only one that I remember God truly saying was the registration to sign up for Believer's Music basic course. I can recall that I felt so much peace in my heart then when I finally sent in the application. Today, I serve in the worship team for church. I thank God that I am able to serve Him using my voice.

I still remember the walk at Novena Square when I was pondering about what Pastor Ben was praying for me. I just felt God telling me to go into Business Studies, and even Alfred and Joyce will tell me to go for it... I didn't know why I ought to go, but I know that I am interested and to believe in faith. I know that I just wanna do well, come out still manage to find something related to teaching. Today, I still have the passion wanting to teach, Even when I felt God telling me about teaching through Jachin, I thought I had the passion and would be called to teaching career, but only to know that God will just shut the door hard on me...

I still remember that I crushed someone in church, and I believed God had spoken to me through different incidents. Though no one is affirmative, but I was so sure that girl would be meant for me, that I just trust God, for many years. Only for me to realise after 3 years that, this girl is not my type, and eventually left church... Sometimes, I really wonder what to do... After these few weeks of struggle spiritually, I learned that God is truly amazing and real... However, I just really hope that God will come tell me face to face about issues in life, even though I know that He will want me to enjoy the process... I know I want it too quick. However, is there really something call coincidence?

Are the visions that I receive really for real? Are the words and signs that I hear and see really from God? Or are they from me?

One thing I can be sure, is that God is definitely real, but sometimes, I still feel so small, so small and naive to understand the ways of God...

satan's Objectives...

Satan has always been in rebellion against God, and has sought to attract worship to himself and turn people away from God. His tactics have not changed since the beginning of time. He still uses the age-old, well-tried temptations that have so effectively led men and women into sin generation after generation.

Power. sec wealth and false religion are at the heart of most of his tactics, however subtly they may be dressed up for the public consumption! In fallen man are things such as self-pleasing, greed and lust for power - all of which make fertile ground for satan to sow his seeds of rebellion.

In serving any of these false gods, people are unwittingly bowing down the knee to satan.

Deception is his stock in trade, for once people have been deceived and as it were taken the bait, the progression of temptations that can follow of temptations that can follow is endless. James's advice to "resist the devil" is effective practical guidance for everyday living (James 4.7), for if we do not resist, we lay our lives wide open to the demonic.

Satan hates to see people live long, fulfilled lives in the service of God. The sooner a person's life is terminated, the less opportunity there is for salvation to be accepted. At a recent meeting I asked the body of Christians present how manyof themhad ever contemplated suicide, however fleetingly. Over 60 % of them admitted to having had suicidal thoughts. The progression to self-destruction is down a well-worn path taht begins with deception.

Once people are walking in deception, they become vulnerable to being disturbed, for conflict arises inside between our God-given sensitivity to the Lord and the desires that we are giving way to in the flesh. Depression is sometimes the consequences , with the whole range of sickness following that can ride in on the back of a depressed personality. Distress is the next stage of the downward spiral, with the need for heavier medication to keep individuals on an even keel. At this point the person's life is so controlled, by their condition and the consequentical medication, that life begins to lose its purpose.

God is the creator. Satan is a created being (Ezekiel 28:13-15)

God is omnipresent-present at all times and in all places. Satan is limited in both times and location (Job 1:6-7). He can only , therefore, carry out his work through the qgency of demons and evil spirits who are under his command.

God is omniscient - there is nothing that He does not know. Satan and his forces are limited in knowledge (Acts 19:15)

God is omnipotent - His power is unlimited. Satan's power is limited and restricted within the confines that God has allowed (Job 1:6-12)

God is eternal - there is no beginning or ending to God's Kingdom. Satan's time is strictly limited One day jesus is coming again as King of kings and Lord of lords. At that time satan's rule and reign will come to an end and the scenarioof Revelation will commence. Satan and his demons know the Scripture well, and the prophetic words in the Bible that tell of the end for satan and all his angels are feared and hated by the demonic powers.

Monday, August 17, 2009

John 3 : 16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

the interview...

I sat down quietly near the entrance, and chanced upon the opportunity of doing the personality test of D.I.S.C. again, after 11 years. I could recall that the educators saying that I was stressed up during my school days. I was glad that I could have the chance to do it again, at the interview.

I always believe that God has called me to teach, ever since entering church. I remembered asking Jachin, if why he loves to teach when he can do something else with his skills and talents. He mentioned, 'love, compassion and desire'. These are the driving force that gave him the burden to teach them what's right from wrong. He wants to attempt putting them on straight paths, not just teaching them... From then on, my desire is to teach. However, don't you think the whole world are going into careers? Such as, like teaching, social work or something that people have a stereotype of jobs christians want to have. Weili did always ask me in the past. Of course, he is just wanting me to be sure. It's indeed true that about 60 to 70% of christians take up these kinds of career.

I came into conclusion that maybe God doesn't want me to teach in the schools, when I kept getting rejected, or maybe I can take that up 10 years down the road? Who knows...

To cut the long story short, after hearing what Elgin and Francis had said, and what God had shown me through the play show of performer Eddie Goldstein at the Science Buskers Event and Sony Creative Show at the Science Centre, I took a bold step in applying for a position in a private company...

Today is interview day. After doing the DISC test, I still had to evaluate about a story and comment about it. The most shocking part was that I had to do a last minute presentation. I was given 10 minutes to prepare and 5 minutes to present. The topic was on leadership and the expected targets are the selected cohort from different companies. I was startled on what to do, but I am glad that I am able to get planning after about 30 seconds. I thank God that I brought in what I had learned in school, from friends' interaction. Besides that, I even used the theory of caneoing and marriage in this topic. I am glad that I prayed, 'God give me strength, even though I had prepared what I can, but I need to rest in You.' I am glad God had given me the confidence to speak aloud, to even not fear speaking out freely, doing actions that I believe will be humourous and be able to capture people's attention.

I was also able to bring in examples of real life situations and deep thoughts inside my heart about Cambodia and Laos. I never really forget Cambodia and Laos. 'We, Singaporeans are so blessed!' I indicated to them that, it was a life-changing experience and we mature through situations and circumstances, where we will learn.

I know God was looking at me, and giving me strength, even when I had to face the director cum interviewer. For the very first time in my life, this interview was so fun. The interviewer was just like my friend, and I shared what was really deep in my heart and my truthful desire for what I want to see happen if I ever work there... I was just so natural then.

I seriously thank God for this opportunity. I know that if I get rejected by the company, I am not fated to work there. I will continue to seek Him, like I always do...

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

mummy's health...

I couldn't feel help but to feel sorry... A little helpless though, when my mother was weeping in pain... She had this pain in her stomach for the past 1 month, and the pain got worse as the days went by. She was very silly, as I believe that when there are any health symptoms, it will be better to seek the doctor. The last time she did her stomach scan was five years ago, and she was becoming more worried... I couldn't help, but at least I prayed... "She" insisted that I pray with my mother... For the first time, I fear losing her... I don't really feel it this way in the past.

I knew I had been a bad jerk in my school days. I had been too religious when I went to church after then. I had been to engrossed in university studies, that I guess I neglected her, failing to show her much of the love of God. However, I just couldn't help when she just went on grumbling about the similar old issues. I could only pray for her then. I prayed for her in 2 nights. I realised that my chinese prayer was just... humourous... Surprised? I find it hard, and I prayed for her in English the next night. I knew that God will do something, and yet I hadn't have the faith. I didn't know why. "She" called at night... and told me, that there were certain issues, I had to settle. At first, I was hesitant, but thinking about my mother, I followed as told, and this time I had the faith to believe.

I was glad that she was fine and was just having stomach cramps due to sensitivity to food. She cannot take vegetables for now. Weird isn't it? But at least, God did help her, and I hope she sees God working in her life... Now she is talking non-stop again... So much an extrovert, just like myself...

will...

What is the will of God, for you? Have your ever wondered? Over a period of time, I had a friend who had an experience when he chose to save someone from eternal damnation to God.. God had certainly used him to reach out to this person... However, I always wonder, if that is truly God's will for that to eventually to happen... Looking back, it seemed so dangerous. If given a choice, I am not sure if my friend will do that, or, will he even try saving that with another stranger, who is really in need of God...

Things all came too sudden, and everything happens in an instance. I couldn't stop feeling amazed at how God had used him to bring this friend back to Christ. Certainly, he had learned so much from that one week. In fact, he seemed to fall into the trap, which he nearly fell in deep.

Eventually, I asked him, if he regretted doing so, he said, 'no'. However, I continued to ponder. It seemed like my brother had gone through a period of undercover or something... This is because God knows his heart, and his weakness, that is being emotional.

Will God still use you to do His work that might seemed dangerous to your own well-being? I do not know, but the answer I give myself, is that God knows the future, and He knows he will be able to save the person, and also save himself, from falling back... Therefore, I believe that we do not need to fear about what happen in future, cause as long as we obey Him, He, who has the best for us, has already planned the future ahead... Therefore, just believe... Trust me...